Like many fans of horror, I completely geek out over Halloween. This year was particularly special because a movie came along that perfectly celebrates the essence of the holiday. That movie was “Trick ‘r Treat” and horror fans won’t want to miss it.

At its core, Trick ‘r Treat is a horror anthology akin to something like “Creepshow”. However, instead of four separate episodes, it seamlessly weaves its narratives together using a Pulp Fiction style. The clever use of chronology makes for a film that can be watched over and over again. However, those looking for one GRAND plot will be disappointed so be prepared to sink your teeth into four bite sized tales.

Each of Trick ‘r Treat’s four stories offers up something familiar, yet highly unexpected. The clever screenplay will keep you guessing as it gleefully turns each story on its ear. There are things you won’t see coming and there are pleasant surprises abound, all of which make your first viewing exceptionally enjoyable. You will follow a Principal who deeply believes in Halloween tradition, a group of tweeners playing a prank, a pack of lusty women looking to hook-up with horn-dogs and one lonesome old man who hates Halloween. Each narrative is perfectly paced and you will find that they shrewdly tie in with at least one of the other stories. This approach makes repeating viewing necessary if you hope to catch everything jammed into the intelligent script.

Every major holiday has a mascot and up till now Halloween has been left out in the cold. While perhaps Tim Burton’s Jack Skellington has kept the throne warm with his boney, skeletal ass, Trick ‘r Treat’s “Sam” is here to claim his crown. This impish creature is the physical embodiment of the holiday itself. His childlike form is innocent and somehow creepy all at once. Armed with a costume made up of dirty orange pajamas and a button faced mask fashioned from a burlap sack, Sam is the judge, jury and executioner of Halloween tradition. These traditions were set in place for a reason and Sam will make damn sure you adhere to them. He is the glue that holds Trick ‘r Treat together and when he finally gets his moment in the moonlight it’s pretty unforgettable.

First time director Michael Dougherty, has a knack for Halloween-y set pieces and each new locale is a feast for the eyes. The film also assaults you with a buffet of surprisingly bright colors. It’s refreshing to see a horror movie that is dominated with vivid pigments and orange hues. This is such a welcome change from all those gritty, dingy, movies we’ve had to deal with since “Saw” became the de-facto standard of marketable horror. The colors make the atmosphere more playful and mischievous, rather than dreary and hopeless. This helps Trick ‘r Treat manage a perfect mixture of scares, gore and fun. Fun is a key element this genre seems to have been lacking for quite some time. Great directors like Sam Raimi and Peter Jackson always understood this and apparently so does Mr. Dougherty. If I had to fault Dougherty with anything it’s his use of CG effects here and there. Anybody that reads this site knows I can’t stand CG and the effects employed here certainly don’t change my mind. I was really hoping this would be a practical effects only affair. Luckily, this was his only mistake in my eyes.

Trick ‘r Treat is helped out by the fact that it has a solid cast to help elevate its stories of macabre, Halloween mayhem. Anna Paquin is making a name for herself in horror and fans of the HBO series “True Blood” will be more than happy to see her play a “never been kissed” seductress. Bryan Cox is perhaps the best actor of the bunch as he deftly portrays the dour, Halloween hatin’, Mr. Kreeg, who looks like a disheveled homage to John Carpenter. Dylan Baker is also highly entertaining as Principal Wilson. It’s a joy to get such fine performances in a genre film like this.

Trick ‘r Treat is destined to become a cult classic that gets watched each and every Halloween. Never has there been a movie that celebrates the legend, lore and atmosphere of the holiday so flawlessly. This movie has everything from fat, porker, bullies that smash pumpkins to crotchety old geezers that don’t give out candy. The film’s stories feature a wide breadth of memorable psychos and creepy creatures that are sure to make horror fans shriek with exuberance. If you haven’t already watched this I would seriously recommend remedying that immediately. Trick ‘r Treat is a love letter to fans of both Halloween and horror that shouldn’t be missed.

Final Grade: A

2008 was the return of the vampire. Thanks to teeny bopper sensation, Twilight, people were more interested in eternally damned bloodsuckers than ever before. For devout horror fans this was both a blessing and curse. While we loved the attention of one of our most beloved creatures, the bastardization of them in Twilight was too much to stomach. Luckily we had our own personal “teenage vampire story” to go batshit crazy over. The Swedish indie film, “Let the Right One In” went on to become an international hit and Tomas Alfredson crafted a poignant, yet sweet tale that features authentic emotions as well as buckets o’ blood.

The film revolves around a twelve year old boy named Oskar who is mercilessly picked on by his classmates. His life in the tiny Swedish suburb is completely shit-tastic until he meets his new neighbor Eli, who just so happens to be a vampire. Initially, the two of them are awkward together and really feel like two twelve years olds meeting for the first time. They eventually strike up a budding friendship and Oskar develops some puppy love for his new gal pal. In fact, this relationship is the crux of the whole movie. It’s positively captivating to witness since both Oskar and Eli need each other in different ways. The love is more of the “connected kindred spirit” kind and not lustful or weird. Don’t worry this isn’t some weird, vampire, kiddy porno.

“Let the Right One In” slowly unfolds yet it doesn’t ever feel boring. This is partially because we are shown more and more of Eli and what she really is. Her murderous hunger is shown in all of its bloody glory and it’s rather unsettling the first time it occurs. Gore fans will be very pleased with the excellent special effects that perfectly amply the vampire action.

Speaking of vampire action, a big part of this film’s charm is the strict adherence to classic vampire lore. Eli needs to be kept out of the sun, needs blood to survive, possesses enhanced agility and can’t enter homes without being invited in (which is cleverly hinted at in the film’s title). Watching her gradually become more vampire-like is truly enjoyable because it’s familiar yet presented in an entirely fresh way. It’s also heartbreaking to learn that this young twelve year old is eternally forsaken to be a creature of the night.

If the film has any faults it’s that it comes across as a bit too artsy at time. The film features a beautiful snowy setting but people may tire of the lingering shots of gently falling snow. The mood in general is very cold and somber which does help punctuate the fluttering moments of warmth between Oskar and Eli, however this overall sense of frigid dread might put off some viewers. Also like many foreign films certain things are left up to the viewer to figure out. For me those are minor quibbles since I was really enthralled with the overarching plot presented in LTROI.

I enjoyed the hell out of this one and any horror fan worth their salt should check this one out. Vampire fans in particular should rejoice since this is probably one of the best and most unique vampire flicks since Near Dark (1987). It has stunning visuals, a chilling atmosphere, and endearing love story. If subtitles scare you more than things that go bump in the night you might want to avoid this, but you would be doing yourself a great disservice by missing out on this film.

Final Grade: A

About once every three to five years a movie comes along that is touted as the scariest thing ever to grace the silver screen. The fear is usually spread by word of mouth and the masses flock to the local cinemas to get the shit scared into their unmentionables. This is great for the horror genre, but such lofty levels of hype are bound to make cynical bastards, such as myself, weary of the film’s scare factor. 

The story begins innocuously enough as we are instantly introduced to Micah and Katie. We can quickly deduce that they are lovers and that Micah is a bit of a douche-bag. Katie is a “butta-face” and certainly not sexy enough to put up with her fucked up paranormal baggage. She sports an impressive rack that is constantly flaunted but never revealed and overall appears to be a fairly normal college student. Except for the fact that she apparently has spooky, unexplainable, things occur to her whilst she slumbers in the night. Soon after we find out from a paranormal psychic that Katie has been haunted by a demon her entire life. Micah decides the best way to fix the problem is to purchase an expensive camera and film them sleeping. This leads to repeated attempted of trying to get Katie naked on film but Micah humorously fails every time. Many little moments like this occur and it makes the characters feel genuinely connected.

The set up is simple and it works to the films advantage. Things take a while to get going but eventually we get to see the couple sleep and that’s when Katie’s demonic “BFF” gets busy. The scares start off simple and they gradually escalate throughout the film. The bedtime scenes do an excellent job of building tension for two reasons. First they feast on the basic fear of sleep. Shit happening while you’re most vulnerable is terrifying and everyone can relate to this phobia. The film piggybacks this with everyone’s underlying fear of darkness and not knowing what lurks in the night. It’s amazing how your own house can become this foreign place in the night where one can truly be uncomfortable. Paranormal Activity does a splendid job ramping up tension using these two devices, but tension was all I found. Only a couple of surprise moments caused me to jump and at no time did I truly feel scared.

This is where my first beef comes into play. Whenever the demon is around there is a low hum that makes you aware of its presence. This ruins any element of surprise and whenever you hear the noise you are trained to expect some scary shit to happen. Another big problem I have with the film is that when the couple isn’t in bed the pacing comes to a screeching halt. You are left with character development and to be honest Micah is an obnoxious jerk who I hated watching. He is defiant of everything Katie tells him and he literally just acts like a childish fuck twit. Listening to him try tell Katie that everything is going to be alright when shit gets “run the fuck outta the house” unsettling is just beyond stupid. His bravado aggravated me to no end and I really didn’t care what happened to him. This is a big problem when he is pretty much HALF OF THE CAST! When you don’t care if an important cast member will survive a horror film you’ve got a big problem.

Another blunder is that you are completely conditioned to know when all of the scary portions will occur. The film has a constantly repeating blueprint of nocturnal scares followed up with daytime discussions. So while the film creates tension during the night it quickly dissipates as soon as morning comes and the viewer is left with boring interactions between the couple. Personally, I was constantly looking for some freaky shit to suddenly happen while Micah was fiddling with the camera and he wasn’t looking into the viewing screen. I couldn’t shake the feeling that they missed out on the opportunity to really scare the hell out of the audience.

In the end I was impressed with how well this indie movie could create a disconcerting atmosphere, but it wasn’t the “scare me outta my seat” experience that people made it out to be. Paranormal Activity is a good, not great, film that defied the Hollywood machine to become the most profitable film of all time (as of this writing). I applaud first time director Oren Peli for a commendable effort and I look forward to seeing what he can do with an actual budget. I recommend people check out Paranormal Activity while it’s still in theatres to see if registers with them. My feeling is that this will scare the pants off teenagers and people who don’t commonly view scary movies, while horror veterans might be a little bored and displeased with this one.

Final Grade: C

Even though zombie films are as common as dirt most are independent schlock-fests that blow chunks harder than a shit-faced sorority sister on her 21st birthday. You can understand my excitement for the opportunity to catch a big budget zombie flick with recognizable actors at the local Cineplex. Luckily Zombieland doesn’t disappoint.

Zombieland begins firing on all cylinders with a truly legendary opening credit scene that is sure to get your blood pumping. Scenes of hilarious zombie atrocity are stitched together while Metallica’s “For Whom the Bell Tolls” thunders against the montage. In terms of sheer zombie goodness the movie practically prematurely blows its load at this moment, because even though “zombie” is right in the title…this flick is all about humans. The movie wastes little time shifting it’s focus to character development and this would suck royally if things didn’t remain piss your pants funny. So while things start out as a zombie splatter flick, it quickly evolves into a character piece about how 4 drastically different souls try to cope and survive in Zombieland. Not exactly what I expected, but it works.

For a film that flaunts having “Zombie Kills of the Week” I was slightly dissappointed with the lack of memorable kills. Even worse is that when somebody does kill a zombie the film tends to cut away more often than not. That’s like watching a porno that skips over the nasty sex scenes! It doesn’t make much sense either since when zombies attack humans it’s shown in all of its gruesome glory. Luckily, the relationships with the characters are just so damn enjoyable to watch otherwise this would have tanked real quickly. At one point I was getting restless because there was almost TOO much focus on character development. Fortunately, it’s only a minor detour and the final forty five minutes are filled with laughs, tense situations and truly memorable moments.

Many great zombie flicks aren’t completely about zombies and Zombieland is no different. There is a surprising amount of depth to each character and each is struggling with something besides the living dead. Jesse Eisenberg does his best Michael Cera impersonation and actually fares much better as a sackless, nebbish. Watching him live out his own OCD zombie survival guide for beta males is enjoyable as all hell. He brings sensitivity (read: being a pussy-face) and geek humor to the land of the undead. Woody Harrelson is an instant cult horror hero as the snakeskin jacket wearing, psychotic, man child, Tallahassee. He is a zombie killing machine that delivers the boorish splatter humor and perfectly compliments Eisenberg’s beta male antics. Emma Stone vamps it up as the sultry “Wichita” and she brings sexy back to Zombieland. I would just like to go on the record as stating I love Emma Stone. I love her voice, her eyes…the way she handles a shotgun. She needs to be in more horror films so I can continue to gawk at her. The other female named Little Rock (Abigail Breslin), is the only boring character despite a commendable job by the actress. All in all, if I was stuck with four souls in Zombieland I’m confident it would be these fuckers and that is a testament to likability of these actors/survivors.

While not as well done as Shaun of the Dead, Zombieland does America proud with one hell of a zombie comedy. I can easily look past the aimless, slightly boring, middle portion because the film begins and ends on epic high notes. Plus, I honestly believe that Zombieland has the best rock n’ roll soundtrack in a zombie film since Return of the Living Dead. You will laugh, you will connect with at least one of the characters and you will enjoy your time on the fucked up, crazy ride that is Zombieland. Someone needs to buy first time director Ruben Fleischer a pint for a job well done.

Final Grade: B+

For those of you expecting an unsatisfying, empty calorie, popcorn fest you better check your appetite at the door. District 9 is a slow cooked, flame kissed, filet of science fiction that is unlike anything I’ve ever seen. It’s fills you up, leaves you satisfied and surprisingly doesn’t give you the “Hershey Squirts” the next day.

District 9 is the bizarre love child of first time film director Neill Blomkamp and mega director, Peter Jackson. Way back when Halo was supposed to become a major motion picture, Jackson was signed on to produce and Blomkamp was tapped to direct. The film eventually fell apart and Jackson decided to turn Blomkamp’s amazing short film, “Alive in Joburg” into a summer blockbuster. Alive in Joburg was a fake documentary about Aliens living among us in the slums of Johannesburg, South Africa. District 9 is more or less the full length vision of that short film. It deals with a race of aliens derogatively known as “Prawns” who are struggling to survive in a man made slum of Johannesburg known as District 9. The aliens are called “Prawns” due to their resemblance of the sea creature with the same name (that’s shrimp to us Americans). I personally think they look the twisted offspring of a cockroach after it received the evil seed of The Great Cthulu.

The whole film is heavy with its social commentary and leave it to the sci-fi genre to make one of the most eye opening films in the past decade. It effectively deals with issues such as political power, corrupt corporations, biological weapons, racism, xenophobia, the poor class and much more. Surprisingly, the movie deftly packs its dime-bag of sticky-icky knowledge drug into your pipe without ever smelling like a heavy handed propaganda film.

District 9 is effectively chilling with its sledgehammer to the skull portrayal of these dilapidated alien slum dwellings, yet don’t be surprised when it causes you to genuinely smile or laugh. Leave it to a disciple of Jackson to make it easy to relate to a CG creature. I haven’t felt this much empathy for a home stricken alien since E.T. If there is but one flaw it’s the heavy use of CG in the film. For a sci-fi flick that wears its realism on its sleeve, the aliens come across as hokey. They are finely detailed and superbly animated but they can still rip you out of the experience. However, they are so perfectly developed as sentient-beings through excellent exposition that they eventually become remarkably believable. This helps keep things grounded which is important since the film is filled with many far-fetched devices such as high tech weaponry that looks like it was ripped out of Unreal Tournament or Ratchet and Clank.

The documentary storytelling is driven by handheld camera shots, security cam footage and even mock interviews. It all feels as cohesive as something you would watch on CNN or the Military Channel. This approach does cause the pacing to be very uneven and some people might get frustrated with this. I however was fully entranced with Wickus van der Merwe’s (Shartlo Copley) startling voyage that shakes the pillars of his every belief and changes his life. Copley’s genuine depiction of an average Joe caught up in extraordinary circumstances is highly believable and surprisingly relatable thanks to the flawed nature of his character. You will ride his emotional rollercoaster right alongside him and it gives the movie soul which elevates District 9 above the typical dreck that infests the cinemas during the swamp-ass inducing summer months.

District 9 is one of the best Sci-Fi films I’ve ever seen and I wholehearted suggest that you see it. See it for the superb, bloody, action. See it for the compelling story. See it so that you can support unique and brilliant filmmaking. I’ve done my part and now you need to do yours. Go watch this movie.

Final Grade: A

In life you gotta take chances. Sometimes you take a swing for the fences and end up shagging that cougar waitress at your local Chili’s. While other times you end up drunkenly hooking up with a transvestite hooker who appeared more womanly in that poorly lit watering hole…so goes life.

However, taking chances on horror films is like unprotected sex in a gay bathhouse circa 1987. You’re better off keeping your cock in your pants. Hydra is an oddball combination of low budget horror, CG effects, “The Most Dangerous Game”, Z-grade acting, Herculean sword slashing and Greek Mythology. The main plot is a moral driven twist on the short story, The Most Dangerous Game. So we have revenge seeking, rich as fuck, high-rollers (all insulting stereotypes) hunting convicts on a remote island with a multi-headed CG serpent thrown in for good measure. Oh, and they inserted a step above “skin-a-max” blonde chick actress to trounce around in a bikini for no reason other than to stare at her ass. It sounds alright on paper, but once you dig in, the rotten core of this seemingly normal apple bitch slaps your taste buds. Seriously…what sane person walks into their local Wal-Mart and buys this shit?

Hydra belts out an off-key Siren Song that sounds like that drunken Chinese guy at karaoke night. Those of us dumb enough to get lured in are treated to plenty of gory deaths. People get torn asunder by the titular serpent and it’s laughably horrendous. It’s like watching a person wrestle a stuffed animal and then afterwards some schmuck edits in severed, bloody limbs. Since everything from decapitated heads to gallons of blood is rendered with CG nothing looks quite right. I suppose it’s entertaining in the same way that a dog is amused by tonguing its own scrotum and taint. It’s fun for a few minutes, but certainly not something to meddle with for an hour and a half. Perhaps if they had taken the time to create a convincing puppet Hydra this could have been a real gem. As it stands it’s barely above watching someone play a violent videogame.

Hydra is the perfect storm…of shit. Its plot is just interesting enough to keep you from nodding off and the Hydra slithers around killing fools with reckless abandon. The one dimensional characters are a hoot to watch (especially the Bill Paxton-esque order spouting, George Stults) and are especially fun when they die. However, the production overall feels like a grandiose Greek tragedy that ends with thespians being booed and pelted in the face with tomatoes.

Final Grade: D

Giant monster movies are incredibly fun to watch. They successfully stimulate man’s inherit desire to see shit get blown up. Godzilla is the giant monster most people immediately think of, but I’m here to inform you of another beast from the East.

If you thought the Ninja Turtles were the coolest bipedal reptilians around then you’re dead fucking wrong. Gamera is the most bad-ass mutated turtle ever, hands down! He resembles Bowser from the NES version of Mario Bros and he shoots gigantic fireballs out of his mouth (also like Bowser). If you need anymore proof, just know that he flies…by shooting flames out of his turtle-shell ass! If April O’Neill could physically perform the act, she would graciously fellate this human loving monstrosity.

Unlike Godzilla, Gamera has always been a protector of the human race. In this movie he gets awakened to help save us from a carnivorous, flat-headed, bird\dragon race known as Gyaos. These creatures pose a serious threat to mankind so it’s a good thing Gamera instinctively knows to ignite their eggs and pummel the shit out of them. 

Japanese filmmakers sure know their way around miniature cities. This movie looks AMAZING and the destruction that takes place feels pretty authentic. Since Gamera and Gyaos are guys in highly detailed rubber suits, it feels like they’re really destroying Tokyo. The military attacks are just as impressive and fun to watch as the monster battles. The only blemish is the occasional CG missile attacks. Be sure to crank up the volume so you can soak in the awe inspiring devastation with the outstanding bombastic, fully orchestrated score.

Everything is not rainbows and buttercups though. It take awhile to get to the monster goodness and there is a mammoth amount of plot to munch on. Thankfully it moves along at a blinding pace (almost too fast) so you better pay attention. For a giant monster film there is an ample amount of destruction, but the final fight was kind of a letdown for me. If you watch these movies as much as I do, you expect a little more panache during the mega-monster showdown. The candy colored blasts and goopy effects certainly help though.

Gamera has been around almost as long as Godzilla and its time that this turtle gets some much deserved respect. The movie is explosive , but it also features a poignant, environmental awareness message in its soft underbelly. Even the humans (usually the worst aspect of giant monster movies) were entertaining. Just be sure to watch this in Japanese since the English dub is rather goofy.

Final Grade: A-

Director Wes Craven and writer Kevin Williamson have once again joined forces. Their first effort, the dubiously self aware slasher, Scream, was a smashing success. Well the duo has basically given us another “figure out the killer” movie only this time in the Werewolf genre.

Cursed is a campy werewolf flick that isn’t afraid to be silly. The werewolf tale focuses on two siblings, Ellie (Christina Ricci) and Jimmy (Jesse Eisenberg) after they suffered the strange after-effects of a frightening animal attack. Afterwards, the two of them run the gauntlet of werewolf 101 fundamentals: gypsies, heightened senses, the mark of the beast, craving meat, suplexing high school bullies…wait what was that last one? If you just LOVE anything Wolf Man related then you’ll enjoy all of the cheeky self-referential in-jokes the movie splatters against the wall.

The unrated DVD has a decent amount of gore, though many effects are CG or obviously green-screened. Werewolf special effects legend, Rick Baker, was hired to design the werewolf costume and it looks excellent when it’s briefly seen. The costume isn’t as impressive when you get a leering eyeful of it towards the end. It’s also disappointing that the film resorts to CG when the wolf does anything remotely acrobatic. This includes a lame ass transformation. They had Rick Baker and they decided against a practical effects transformation…what were they thinking?

It’s well known that Cursed suffered from massive production problems the likes that we common folk only get to witness on HBO’s Entourage. As a result, it feels like two separate movie rolled into one. The first forty-five minutes are eerie and extremely vintage Wes Craven. He even manages a few surprise scares. About one hour in, the tone of the film changes drastically and it goes from whodunit horror film to a looney, lupine comedy. This schizophrenic metamorphosis is rather jarring to witness, but honestly it didn’t deter me from enjoying the movie.

Cursed tries to be hip re-imagining of the classic Wolf Man curse and it succeeds more as a black comedy instead of a straight up horror flick. Given all its production issues it’s amazing this movie is even watchable, let alone entertaining. For a light horror comedy it’s worth a watch for a few chuckles and amusing star studded cast but if you want a serious, blood-thirsty pack of werewolves flick look elsewhere.

Final Grade: B-

Project Greenlight winners and Saw veterans, Marcus Dunstan and Patrick Melton have once again teamed up to bring us a dirt encrusted horror flick. Interestingly, this trap laden, torture porn, slasher was original pitched as a prequel to Saw.

Have you ever wondered what would happen if Macaulay Culkin went ape-shit after the attempted robberies and when he grew up he couldn’t stop setting up traps to maim people? The Collector is sort of like that sans Culkin. It instead features Arkin (Josh Stewart), a down on his luck fellow attempting to bite the hand that feeds him. Rather than a quick in and out jewel-heist, he unwittingly stumbles upon an S&M mask wearing freak’s house of horrors. Arkin is intelligent, has solid tactics for rescuing the kidnapped family and doesn’t do shit that makes you shout at the screen. Plus his bad intentions are for a noble cause…helping his own family. Unfortunately, the only things as developed as Arkin are the highly implausible deathtraps.

The Collector is one of the most violent movies I’ve ever seen in the theatres. It certainly earns its R rating and it’s a “hard” R at that. People get savagely tortured\killed and that’s certainly the attraction for gorehounds out there. The Collector forgoes actual scares and tries to make you squirm with its drawn out scenes of torture. Maybe I’ve just become desensitized to this shit, but they didn’t phase me. The imaginative traps were great fun, but the unflinching torture scenes were hardly entertaining.

This film falters because it lacks purpose. Watching people get tortured for no reason doesn’t make a horror movie good. Did the family do something to deserve this? Why does the psychopath always kidnap one person? Who the fuck knows, Dunstan and Melton are like sugar high propelled adolescents that are too preoccupied with dreaming up dastardly deathtraps to worry about plot or character development. As it stands, the kidnapped family is about as relatable as victims that you see everyday on the six o’clock news.

The Collector is just mind-numbing violence. I’ll admit it had a cool premise of robber vs sociopath, but it goes absolutely nowhere. Had this been an origin story of Jigsaw from Saw it could have been wickedly cool. It’s loaded with creative death sequences, tricky camera angles, a killer who makes creepy animal noises, and a supple pair of baby feeders, but only serious torture porn fans need to check out this pointless cavalcade of uber violence.

Final Grade: C-

The early 80s saw a revival in werewolf films. A lycanthrope renaissance if you will. The first film to kick off the re-emergence was Joe Dante’s, The Howling.

Famous TV anchor, Karen White (Dee Wallace) encounters a notorious psycho slasher in what is quite possible the most poorly executed police sting of all time. Karen gets attacked and the fuzz pumps lead into the deranged lunatic. The whole ordeal traumatizes Karen and her psychologist recommends that she goes to some hippie retreat known as The Colony.

The Colony is located in the sleepy pines of Northern California and the foggy as fuck forest is effectively chilling both day and night. Perhaps just as appealing as the setting are the whack-job inhabitants of The Colony. From Slim Pickens oxymoron shaped sheriff to the sexy, nymphomaniac Marsha (Elisabeth Brooks), they all help draw you into the primal tale unfolding around Karen and her mustache aficionado husband, Bill (Christopher Stone).

Joe Dante makes the best use of his actors and special effects and that’s part of The Howling’s scrappy appeal. Dante winks and nods at the classic werewolf films and then shrewdly debunks stereotypical lycanthrope lore. Watching occult bookstore owner Walter Paisley (Dick Miller) educate folks on werewolves with his “snake oil salesman” approach is devilishly funny.

Special effects guy, Rob Bottin, unleashes a show stopping transformation that is practical effects ecstasy. The sinewy, bone cracking, scene never cuts away and you’ll be wondering how they pulled it all off. It looks unbelievable and certainly better than any CG transformations that has been used in recent years. The werewolves are tall, menacing and actually frightening. Luckily, Dante had some money left in the budget for some adequate gore effects that help give the wolves some bite.

The Howling is like that former high school stud athlete who currently spends his days in bars trying to woo floozy whores that still worship him. What I’m trying to say is, if you didn’t grow up idolizing this movie, you probably won’t enjoy it much. The pacing is excruciatingly slow and the miniscule budget forces the werewolves to take a backseat to the satirical story that focuses on self-help psychology. The special effects still have that “wow” factor, but everything else feels a bit long in the tooth. I can wholeheartedly recommend The Howling, though only hardcore werewolf fans need apply.

Final Grade: B+